Theater Rant

I shall explain this rage meme shortly. Also, expletives alert.

So Light and I went to St. Scholastica last night (last night being January 24) to watch their theater’s 25th anniversary offering, A Midsummer Night’s Dream. To give you guys a bit of context:

1. Light is a Scho alumni.
2. St. Scholastica is an all-girls school in Manila.
3. Midsummer is a Shakespeare play.

Out of nostalgia and…nostalgia, Light really wanted to see the show so I came along. The last theater thing I’ve watched was back in university so I thought it would be nice.

Disclaimer: I have not read Midsummer. As such, I had no idea what it was about. From what I have inferred through watching, it is about:

1. Helena, who is perpetually in tears
2. Hermia, who showed some signs of being bipolar
3. Two testosterone-laden soldiers, Lysander and Demetrius
4. Fairy royalty with domestic quarrels, one of whom was asleep 90% of the show

In a nutshell, the fairy dispute over a changeling boy threw (with a little help from a mischievous fairy aid) the Hermia-Lysander, Helena-Demetrius paradigm into complete chaos. But at the end of the day, everything went back to how it was. Best summary ever.

Despite the various technical faults, I would’ve enjoyed the whole play…IF NOT FOR THE NOISY GRADE 6 THEATER CREW BESIDE US. I swear, I have never encountered such theater insolence in my life. I was crying to all the theater gods, why? Why would you let such spoiled, know-it-all brats grace these sacred theater halls. Not only were they chattering their f*cking lives away, they were making goddamn stupid commentaries about every, sinGLE, F*CKING THING. Like so:

Scenario 1: The Main Fairy was supposed to wake up and rouse the other fairies from sleep, while some BGM was playing.

“Main Fairy, gising na! Gisiiiiing!” (Main Fairy, wake up! Wake uuuup!) She didn’t wake up so they had to repeat the music. “(Laughs) Paulit-ulit?” (“They really had to repeat it?”)

Scenario 2: Puck, the fairy aid of sorts, needed to hand a magical flower to the fairy king, Oberon. He was playing with the flower, handing it then taking it back.

“Di ba dapat pinapaagaw nya yung bulaklak?” (Isn’t he supposed to have the king grab the flowers?) LIKE OH MY F*CKING GOD. ADLIB?! DO YOU GUYS KNOW THAT?!

And THE most annoying commentary of all where Light and I really lost it:

“Mas magaling pa yung Grade 6 na Mechanicals. Hindi makakatawa ‘tong mga ‘to.” (The grade 6 Mechanicals are better. These guys are not funny.) Oh well, guess what? NOBODY EFFING CARES. At this point we told the goddamn kids off and thank heavens–THANK HEAVENS–they finally shut up. I swear to God, all the murderous thoughts I had during the show were enough to have me thrown to Azkaban.

At one point, these kids actually laughed aloud. THAT’S REAL-LIFE L O F*CKING L RGHT THERE. And before I forget, there was one more during intermission:

“I don’t know how to quiet this kind of crowd. They’re old. Like, very old.”

Now this one I remember verbatim. Well, excuse me, I’m 22. Sorry for being so f*cking ancient.

Come the end of the show, these twats stood at the stage alongside the cast, feeling so goddamn accomplished and special. You guys were supposed to shut the F up, scold people doing flash photography, and be f*cking invisible while making sure that everything was on point. But, no. You did the exact opposite. If this is the kind to inherit theater, I don’t know. I can’t even.


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A shy and quiet person who loves anime, books and Japanese food.

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