I think I have made it clear in my previous post how much I absolutely abhor getting periods. It is hot, it is uncomfortable, it is debilitating, and it morphs me into some kind of hermit. Plus, it effectively transforms simple, every day chores into Herculean tasks. See? I told you. Periods either turns you into Xena or Hercules.
So. Here is a rundown of some things I absolutely can’t handle doing when I am bleeding rivers.
1. Pooping. If you are eating, stop reading. Get your face off your screen right now. This is absolutely the worst combination ever. Every time I’m on my period, I seriously pray that I won’t need to unload for the next 3-5 days. But of course that is impossible since I would be killing myself. And when I do, heaven forbid. It’s not a happy feeling. Not a happy feeling. *sobs*
2. Sneezing. Definitely next to pooping, sneezing during your period is just horrible. It is a nightmare. It is like having shotgun in your thingamajiggies. It is like having a jet pack in your body because the moment you sneeze, the force generated by the Niagara falls down there is enough to propel you out of this Earth. Just imagine it’ll take you to Earth-616 and it won’t be that bad.
3. Sleeping. Although sleeping is probably the best escape (apart from donuts) from all the pain that you’re feeling, sleeping itself becomes a pain in the ass. As if all your existential shit isn’t enough, you now have to add “potential bloody bed stain” to your never-ending list of worries. So in order to avoid ruining your sheets forever, you will be forced to sleep either on your side or face down, both of which are extremely uncomfortable. The former would possibly induce scoliosis and the latter, premature death through asphyxiation.
4. Going Out. I rarely go out when I am bleeding. Like, unless I really, really have to and it’s something important, I will absolutely not go out of our house. Do you even know how uncomfortable it is to walk around? Plus, I guarantee you will be driven nuts by the plethora of thoughts that will enter you head:
“Dang, I can’t wear white jeans.” (Not that I have white jeans.)
“Oh my god, do I smell?”
“Hey, is there stain on my pants/skirts/trousers/whatever-the-hell-you’re-wearing?”
“Did I bring extra pads?!”
“Are my pads obvious?”
“Where’s the nearest bathroom? I need to change!”
See? Paranoia at its finest.
5. Dealing With Human Beings. This sounds awful, I know. Shush! Don’t judge me. But it is a common belief that raging hormones brought about by menstruation tend to cause horrible mood swings. Usually, I am a very nice person–genuinely nice, not sarcastic nice. I would help you with whatever you need assistance with: emotional baggage, love life, school work, work work, anything that does not include complex mathematical equations. I will help you and I will not get pissed. However, asking for my help during these days? Oh, I will still help you. But at some point I will probably bitch about it in my head. Just to be clear, this is not your fault. Ragin’ hormones, baby. Ragin’ hormones.
And, there you have it: some things I go crazy about (in a bad way) when the worst five days of my month begin. It’s a wonder how one never gets used to them. We just find ways to deal. Like maybe chocolates. Or murdering the nearest pillow.