I had a constricting experience.
Before I start, I would like to warn you (whether a “you” actually exists or not) that this post is going to be about underwear. Undergarments. Bras, to be specific. So if you are the type who gets squeamish when talking about these tiny pieces of hidden clothing, then I suggest you skedaddle your way out of this joint. Now. Then get out of that rock you’re living under and start opening your eyes to these facts of life.
Still here? Awesome.
A few days back, I wore an under wire bra for the first time ever. Shush! Don’t be rude. I don’t like under wires because one, there is nothing to under wire so it defeats the purpose. And two, it looked painful. I have a friend whose under wires keep on trying to kill her either by asphyxiation, or by constantly threatening to impale her sides. The point is, under wires have murderous tendencies.
So the bra in question had been sitting miserably in my drawer so I thought, fuck this, why not give this lemon-printed shiznit a try. And well, it was the most uncomfortable piece of clothing I have ever worn–apart from my Graduation get-up.
On one hand, I am lucky that the bra is new, giving it no means to poke me with its metallic tendrils. On the other hand, I seriously don’t need a bra that keeps on reminding me that I am wearing one. Yes, bra, I know you are there. I don’t need your unwieldy self choking my chest every time I try to breathe.
And really, these things are bound to give the most emotionally/psychologically fragile people a breakdown. Given the intended purpose of these homicidal garments, its cups tend to emphasize the…asymmetry of the wearer’s bosom. Plus, if you’re not ample enough, you’re going to be staring at some dead air in that cup of yours. As if to rub it to your face, your cups will–from time to time–fold inward to fill in that gaping hole, proving just how inadequate you are.
The verdict? Give me my normal bras anytime. I will wear you again, you lemon-printed vicious bosom holder, when…I feel like it. For now, I will bury you into the deepest crevices of my drawer, never to see the light of day.